A person who has been alone for a while might begin to fantasize about a happier life, maybe with this person.  A casual encounter could come to represent much more.   It could be a way out of the pain and suffering of feeling unnourished, and disconnected.
There are many reasons why people choose to have an affair.  It’s just as important however, to understand there are many layers that led up to this public act.
Couples that find themselves alone in their marriage must first recognize that they are not sharing their relationship with the other.  Ask yourself if you feel connected to your partner.  Are you able to talk about what you are feeling, no matter what the issue?  If you answer yes, you are in connection.  If you are withholding certain issues or topics because you don’t think your partner will understand you are creating a wall between you and your spouse.
Learning to talk about your private world with the other person can be the most satisfying part of a relationship.  It’s scary at first, but once you get there you’ll wonder why it took you so long.  If you need some help learning to share with your partner, couple’s counseling could help.  In this process you can learn how to speak about your issues with confidence and not worry about how the other will react.  Each person learns to do this and the walls fall away.

Infidelity…What’s Wrong?

One of the most startling developments related to the infidelity of South Carolina’s governor and Nevada’s senator is that this crisis in a family is not a rare event; in fact it is surprisingly common. 
When we hear the news of something so explosive many of us turn to our own relationships and think, “I would never do that.”  Well the fact is many people do.  It’s just not so public.
Other questions and thoughts surrounding infidelity leave people wondering, “What were they thinking?” or “He or she must have done something to drive them away.”
The truth is both people share responsibility for a relationship breakdown.  I’m not saying the governor’s wife made him cheat on her, but as a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who treats couples I know the distance between two people has a history. 
Hurt feelings and misunderstandings create distance.  Issues swept under the rug do not dissipate, they linger and fester.  When we hold on to sadness and anger against another we build a bigger wall between us.  The walls individuals use to keep from feeling bad achieve that goal, but they also prevent a connection to the person we are protecting ourselves from.  This leads to a disconnect in a relationship.  Some people have a higher threshold of aloneness, others starve when they are cut off.

So when the feeling of connectedness, togetherness and love are not being felt, there is a void.  Healthy individuals need to feel connected.  Let’s say a co-worker shows attention when we are feeling isolated from our partner.  That attention might feel terrific.